Why I Chose Homeschooling

As some of you may know, I do a school program that utilizes 

part-time homeschooling.

Growing up, I heard a LOT of negative things about homeschooling. I heard:

- Homeschooling produces socially awkward kids that are just plain "weird."

- Kids that try to go to public school after being homeschooled are "behind the curve" or not up to the curriculum standard for their grade level.

- Homeschooling is REALLY hard. You get no break from your children!

- Kids that are homeschooled don't get to do the same extracurricular activities or sports that they get to do at public school.

These are just a few of the things people have told me about homeschooling, in an effort to really cement that teaching out of your home was a huge mistake.

And then I had kids.

And when people asked me where I was planning on sending them to school, I kept thinking to myself, "I can't imagine sending them anywhere that many days a week, for that long!" 

How would I know if they were struggling in school?

What if they were bullied, picked on, or pressured into doing something by their peers?

My kids were impressionable. 

Innocent.

...and I was not ready to just hand them over to a series of strangers for educational and emotional molding.

They were my responsibility.

Suddenly that homeschooling option looked really good. Who better to teach my children than I? I knew their limitations, how best to approach a subject. Nobody would be more attentive to my child's needs than I.

But I did want my children to be socialized...

So I found a school that utilized part-time classroom education, and part-time homeschool education.

The teachers provided the lesson plans for the "home" days.

The biggest obstacle to overcome was my own fear.

Once I did that, homeschooling became SO much fun. I found joy in teaching my child new things. I loved having two days a week where she got to go to school, hang with her friends, and do extracurricular activities like art, music, and PE. 

I especially loved that her faith wasn't a taboo subject.

She was encouraged to pray, to learn about God, sin, and choosing right from wrong. She received a full education on those days. Instead of simply being told what to know, she is taught what to know and who to be. The truth is this - what good is it to know everything if you don't have a clue about what it takes to be a good person? That can't be taught in the context of Science, or Mathematics. That's something that is taught through modeling a child's actions, through encouraging and teaching them to be Christ-like.

My child started first grade yesterday, at 5 years old.

Today was her first homeschool day.

And hearing her say, "Mommy, this is just like school. It's so fun, and I love it," as we learned about groups and sub-groups, cemented that not only can homeschooling be done, it can be the best choice.

My child isn't weird.

She's ahead of public school's "curriculum standards." Having a school and excellent teachers that I'm accountable to really helps on that front.

Yes, homeschooling IS hard sometimes. But it's rewarding, and I view it as part of my job as a mother. 

School isn't designed to give me a break from my children. 

Its purpose is to educate them, and help mold them into intelligent, moral, and responsible adults.

Finally, she gets to do so much fun stuff, and spends tons of time with other kids, both in her "classroom" days, and outside of school. She took swim lessons this summer. She's learning to sing. We're looking into ballet classes. She takes art, music, and PE on her "classroom" days.

As parents, we've bought into this lie that we can't provide a "proper" education for our children without sending them to a government-run institution, when the truth is that art, music, and sports are not only available within a school classroom setting. It's just easier to provide it there. But that doesn't make it better.

It's pretty simple. Once I looked at the facts, and the options available, I realized that for us, homeschooling was the better choice. 

And so I chose to homeschool.

Just A Mommy Rant

I took my kids to their well-check appointments today.

(Cue angry music and elevated blood pressure.)

Why do I go in expecting a normal experience? You know, one where your child's vitals are tested, the doctor lets me ask whatever questions I need to in order to get my yearly build-up of worries out of my system, and makes sure my kids aren't suffering from some previously undiagnosed physical ailment or mental disability?

That doesn't happen.

When I go into the doctor's office, this is what I can generally expect:

-The nurse and/or doctor will talk to me like I'm a moron, insinuating that I don't know my children's rear ends from their heads.

-I will be treated as a liar when I fill out my child's progress chart and insist that yes, she can do the aforementioned activities.

-Finally, my children will be asked the dreaded question. The one that never fails to send me into a total rage.

"Do you feel safe in your home, honey?"

The nurse shot this question by my 3 year old. 

First of all, because my child is three, and in a safe home, she doesn't even know what the heck you're talking about. 

So of course, she got a blank look on her face. But because ALL attention was on her, cue the theatrics. 

She smiled, and said, "Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..." for about thirty seconds straight, leaving the nurse on the edge of her seat, waiting for the answer. 

She proceeded to say "Nnnnn... um ... yuuuuuuuuhhhh..." as though deciding whether or not she felt safe.

No answer. So ... cue the leading questions. 

Nurse: "Do you feel happy with mommy and daddy?"

(Response: Ummmmm...no.)

Me: (Fighting my temper) "Are you a silly girl?"

(Response: Yah! Giggle, giggle.)

Me: (Trying to prove a point now...)

"Do you want to live with mommy and daddy?"

(Response: Ummmm .... No.)

Me: "Oh really? Do you want to live in the zoo?"

(Response: NO. Giggle, giggle.)

Me: "Well then, where do you want to live?"

(Response: At home with just Lexi!)

At this point, the nurse had gotten my message, but just in case, I really drove it home by saying, "I'm sorry. I really don't think she understands your question. And sorry, Ellison, but you can't live at home alone with Alexa. That's called child negligence."

Way to go, NM healthcare, for trying to fix a big issue in society today with a totally worthless question.

Here's the problem, as I see it.

We are SO focused on the "safety" of children, that we are missing a few crucial details:

1. Most children who ARE being abused don't feel comfortable answering that sort of question honestly, especially in front of their parents.

2. The children who ARE in safe homes more than likely don't even understand your question, because we as parents generally try to ... you know ... shield our children from those unsavory truths about the world we live in. Especially when our children are three years old.

3. Even if a child did answer in the affirmative, most parents present are going to jump in with leading questions or uncomfortable jokes explaining away the response.

4. FINALLY ... most of your nurses are completely unprepared for a young child's response in the affirmative, especially if it happens in front of their parents. Do you really think Nurse Susie is going to take my three year old's word that she doesn't feel safe at home? Are you really that confident that she'll confront me on the issue, on the word of my child?

The truth (in my opinion,) is that asking this question, especially of young children, is a waste of time. Not to mention potentially insulting.

Do I have a fix for this problem? No. There are some telltale signs that a child is being abused, but domestic abuse is always going to be a difficult issue to resolve. But here is what I do know:

Asking children if they feel safe at home during a well-check visit isn't really a viable solution.

So just ... stop. Stop with the ridiculousness. Because if you asked my three year old child on a minute-to-minute basis how she "felt," about me and our home, you'd probably get varying answers, based on whether she got to paint with watercolors or pick the movie she was watching.

End Mommy Rant.

If you or someone you know has been abused, or needs help, here is a viable way you can get it: 

Call the abuse hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE, or go here.

Making Mommy Friends

If you're anything like me, you've asked yourself this question more than once:

Why is it so dang hard to find mommy friends?

     Sure - I meet other moms. We occasionally arrange a play-date. We commiserate online or via text when the need arises. We run into each other and chat for five minutes. But finding mommy friends who "get" me - women who can give me companionship outside of just getting the kids together, moms that understand my need for a break occasionally, that I know will give me a shoulder to cry on in a "judgement-free" zone, who will happily shop with me or go for drinks or dessert ...

Finding a mom like that is akin to finding a diamond amidst a mountain of rubble.

     

     I think part of the struggle in finding "mom" friends is the fact that most mothers' lives are hectic. We barely have time to shower in the morning, let alone plan for time alone with another mom. But how important is it for us to have that "quality time" with a good friend? Do we as mommies need to get away?

Yes.

So why does it seem so hard to make friends once you're a mommy?

Here's the thing: During high school or even college, you make friends based on common interests. These friends are amazing, because you do things together, and they speak to your soul.

But then life happens.

You have kids.

In my case, you have kids at a REALLY young age, and NONE of your friends have kids.

     I went through a phase where my high school/college friends didn't fully understand this new phase of my life. We didn't have nearly as much in common. I had responsibilities that prevented me from going out nearly as often, or spending money as frivolously. I couldn't just focus on "me." Everything I did had to take my children into consideration.

     But mommies tend to have difficulty making time for themselves. They don't get out as often as single women without children. And many times, they have an even harder time separating from their roles as mothers.

     Even worse, after having a kid, I quickly realized most of the mommies out there weren't my age. In many cases, they were ten or more years older than me, married for many years, and were turned off and completely disinterested in making a much-younger friend.

    

 I found myself in an awkward predicament.

How did I make "mommy" friends??

     There's no easy answer to that question. In my case, it was trial and error. You go out with a mom, and if you find yourself talking about your kids for two hours, but facing awkward silences whenever you start talking about yourselves, you accept that you probably won't be BFFs that get each other on a soul-to-soul level, and you move on.

     

     Eventually you'll find a mom that understands you and has a lot in common with you. And you'll hang onto that mom with both hands. Because those friends are few and far between.

    I still struggle to find mommy friends. It's not easy for me, especially because my natural instinct is to shy away from social encounters where I don't know anybody. I'm not somebody who feels comfortable making small-talk. I put out feelers and get hurt when I don't get a response, and worse, I over-analyze the responses I do get.

     

     But I've come to terms with one interesting truth that HAS made it somewhat easier: 

making mommy friends is a LOT like dating.

I mean a LOT.

Let's look at the facts:

-You schedule "play-dates" to get to know each other.

And just like real dates, sometimes you get blown off.

Other times you get together and realize you aren't compatible with the mom in question.

Worse, sometimes you experience the mommy equivalent of "unrequited" affection, or basically a desire for friendship that the other mom doesn't feel.

-It's all about compatibility.

And just like in the dating world, it's all about knowing how to play the game.

If you come on too strong, you can scare a potential mommy friend away.

If you don't call or text enough, you will be perceived as cold, or disinterested.

Moreover, you'll meet some really nice moms that you'll come to accept just don't have that "thing" you're looking for in a close friend.

-There will always be "that mom:" Miss/Mrs. Popular that everyone flocks to, and you instinctively want to hate because they make juggling motherhood and individuality look so darn easy.

No matter what you do, you will never seem to compare. So stop trying.

I don't care how much effort you make, more than likely you'll never become close with that mom - she has about a zillion friends, and you'll always just be one of many options.

This mom is the equivalent to the high-school quarterback in the dating world. Everybody wants to be "with" her. I don't know why. Don't ask. Just accept it.

-You'll inevitably go through "single" phases.

Your mommy friends will be busy, or traveling right when you need them most. Or maybe they'll have a new baby they're trying to adjust to. Maybe it's an unexpected out-of-state move. Whatever it is that causes your "single" state, accept that at some point in time, you'll feel like you've lost your closest mommy friend(s), or are just "alone."

The best thing you can do when you find yourself lacking in close mom friends is to put yourself out there, no matter how hard it seems. Go on play-dates. Insert yourself into group functions. If your close mommy friends are incredibly busy, or not in a place where they can give you time, it's better not to pester or resent them, but to try and find a new friend that can give you the emotional support you need.

     Bottom Line: There are ups and downs and ebbs and flows in mommy friendships. Unlike the friendships you make in high school and college, where you seem attached at the hip, moms get caught up in the whirlwind of school activities, housework, work schedules, and dating/marriage.

The sooner you come to terms with the reality of what having "mommy" friends will be like, the more successful your endeavors at these types of friendships will be.

Good Luck.

(Because you'll need it.)

(No, really.)