There are so many people out there today that want to give unsolicited advice on how to parent. You can't enter a supermarket without the lady behind you telling what you're doing wrong, or go to a family get-together without someone reminding you of "how they did things" with their own kids.
I've gotten to a point in my own journey as a parent where I finally have the strength to stand up and say it ...
MOMMY KNOWS BEST!
Nobody knows their child better than that child's mother (or father.) And NOBODY, I repeat NOBODY has the right to dictate how a child should be raised other than that parent.
Parenting is a beautiful journey of trial, error, prayer, tears, and rejoicing. And there are certainly times where you'll find yourself turning to a close friend, or maybe even your own mother, and saying, "What would you do?"
But there is a huge difference between asking for advice, and having unsolicited advice cheerfully shoved down your throat ... the former is a gift, a beautiful exchange of wisdom and love, and the latter ... well it's nothing more than
CRITICISM.
When Aunt Martha comes in and tells you, "You don't let your girls play with makeup? My girls were allowed to wear their little Disney makeup by the time they were 8. It's just innocent fun," what she's really doing is undermining your right to make decisions for your own child.
And worst of all, it's Aunt Martha, who's watched you grow up and even changed your diapers. You can't just turn around and say what you REALLY want to say, which is,
"Well, Aunt Martha, isn't that so nice. But I want better things for my daughters than to learn at a young age that their physical beauty is the most important thing about them, or that they're nothing but sex symbols at 5 years of age."
Yea. That's a big no-no, regardless of how tempting that comeback may seem.
The truth is that often times, it is absolutely the people closest to us that so definitively undermine our authority as parents, because they feel comfortable with us. They aren't as afraid of pushing the boundaries and they aren't as careful to respect your authority, because of that comfort.
In a perfect world, you could calmly confront the people in your life who are trying to do your parenting for you, and they'd apologize and back off. Afterwards, you'd relax back on the chaise lounge you were sitting on in your backyard, surrounded by mosquito netting and the fragrant smell of honeysuckle and roses as little Jackson smiles up at you from the book he's reading to you, saying, "Mommy, you're so smart. I'm so grateful to have you as my mom."
We can all dream, ladies.
In reality, when you try to nicely confront your mother about how you know she loves Mary Sue but she just can't give her panties from Victoria's Secret, because no matter how "cute" those little lace-fringed boy-shorts are, they are way too sexual for your 13 year old daughter, your mother isn't going to understand. She's going to get defensive, offended, and argue with you.
And when that inevitable encounter happens, I really hope you take a page from a very difficult lesson I've learned ... oh heck, that I'm STILL learning. When it happens, I hope you reinforce those parental boundaries with the following statement:
"Mommy knows best. I'm the mommy, and I know best what is appropriate for my children. I appreciate the thought, but I'm not okay with... (my daughter wearing sexier panties than I do now at 13 years old.")
Feel free to insert in the blank whatever inappropriate gift you're protesting for whatever child you're trying your darndest to protect or raise into a respectful, responsible human being.
Trust me when I say that if you don't start enforcing that particular present rule early on, you'll find yourself stressed out, frustrated, and feeling resentful of Grammy for buying Jimmy a ridiculously expensive pair of Adidas you insisted no 7 year old boy needed, or for buying Sheila that teeny tiny mini skirt she'd been begging YOU to get her for months.
As much as the loved ones in your child's life want to spoil them, spoiling should not come at the expense of your rules. Gosh, when I think of all the prayers, tears, and thought that have gone into the rules I've created for my children, I feel an overwhelming certainty of God's hand in my parenting.
And woe awaits anyone who tries to get in the way of that.
So remember ... when unsolicited advice-givers start banging down your door with more persistence than those pesky magazine salespeople during the summer months ...
MOMMY. KNOWS. BEST.
Prayers for you and your journeys of motherhood,
This Blogging Mommy
